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Posts Tagged ‘debut’

Debut. With List.

Hi, blogorantosnoternets! This is a new feminist blog! Brand new! Allow me to use an emotional selling proposition, and tell you that if you read this blog, your likelihood of attaining sainthood in any major religion will probably decrease markedly. Instead of some kind of “real post” with “paragraphs” and associated structures that only English teachers really use, and even then only when they’re applying for a job to be an English teacher, here’s a list of some stuff about me and my blag.

1. Vagina. Vagina vagina vagina. This may seem excessive to some, but – shall we say that I have a favourite ‘v’ word that is not ‘vestibule’, and also, go to hell? (Although ‘vestibule’ is my favourite euphemism for my favourite ‘v’ word.) Sometimes I like to string multiple anatomical terms and swears into long strings and use them in common conversation! Vaginasnorting elbowfuckers! Consider this the part where I absolve myself of any responsibility when, and I’m sure it will happen, someone gets fired for leaving up an entry of mine titled, ‘Fuck the cocks and the buttcamel they shitgalloped in on. Vagina.’

2. I am Australian. Thus, my blogdoodle will probably contain many references to weird Australian political stuff that international readers may not understand. Most of this issue can be solved by firing up the YouTube engine and watching some recent sessions of Question Time in the Australian parliament (lower house, then upper). I would join you, but if I watch one, I enter a trancelike state and begin drooling, the flow of which is only stemmed momentarily by more Question Time. Periods when Parliament is in session, and this disgusting but hypnotising display is shown on television, are difficult for me.

3. I am queer. I will probably write about queer things. Some of my other areas of Special Feminist Interest are childbirth, motherhood, and childcare, and the construction of identities of which ‘femininity’ is a part, which necessarily includes my own identity. I also enjoy writing hard-hitting and not necessarily feminist waffle about anything leftist, including complaints about fellow leftists who view soap as a bourgeois construct. I like the phrase ‘bourgeois construct’. And soap. And I vote.

4. If there were a sliding scale between ‘sex-positive’ and ‘anti-porn’, or ‘sex-negative’ or ‘crabby old bitch’, as those three terms are frequently synonimised, I would whip out my hedge trimmer and hack it up into tiny little pieces. Then I would take each tiny piece,  set it on fire, bury it at a crossroads, and ritually disembowel a large quiche on top of it to make sure it stayed dead. Then I’d write a cheesy pop song called ‘Don’t Pigeonhole Me, Baby’, the lyrics to which would contain ‘hey hey hey, ooh ooh ooh, it’s always more complicated than a short and snappy descriptor can assess, ooh ooh, baby baby’, and make millions of dollars.

5. I am white, non-disabled, cisgendered, and have access to a wide range of social, medical, educational, and miscellaneous privileges that I didn’t work for and probably don’t deserve. I try hard to stay on top of recognising when and how I exercise that privilege, and sometimes I fail. If you see me failing and feel like you want to give me a kick in the pants, go on and give me a kick in the pants. (Who wants to start an anti-oppression  post-folk soft indie nerdcore band called ‘Kick in the Pants’ with me?)

6. If you have any questions, or just feel like telling me all your intimate personal problems, email me! If the question is good or the personal problem involves having 24 hours to save the world from fiery dolphin-related holocaust, I might answer it here. On my blog! Right here on my blog! Good heavens.

There you go, kids! I’ll be back soon, and I’m already bouncing with glee over which of my irrelevant personal ramblings I’m going to assault you with next. Be good for the rest of the internets while I’m gone.

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